Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
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dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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