That's intense
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
a search helicopter?!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
