haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
