I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
