Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
