Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
