I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
