she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
