i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
