she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
