I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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