if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
