so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
