im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
