I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So I just went to clothing optional bar
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
