I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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