Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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