the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
