I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
