There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
