Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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