Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
