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So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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