There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
