Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
