Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
