This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
