i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
