you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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