Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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