Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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