Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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