just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Oh god it's open bar.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
