Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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