I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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