You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
