Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
