his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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