dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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