I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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