I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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