i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
