I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
