Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
