I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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