I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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