Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
