If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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