Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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