i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
