help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
