My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
