she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
