when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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