so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
