i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
