Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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