thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
