matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
