made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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