I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
