I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
