Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
