i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The air was thick with penises
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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