my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
