i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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