i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
