can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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