I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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