Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize