no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
