Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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