you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
