I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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