I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The Olympian is in my bed
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
