my being single is dangerous.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
