It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
