he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
