if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
